As a Relationship and Divorce Coach I have had many years’ experience looking from the outside in, as to why some relationships thrive and others fail. In this blog I hope I can help you to understand a little more about why to give Relationship Coaching a try and more importantly how it could help you.
If you are reading this you may be at a crossroads in your relationship?
Maybe you are bickering constantly and want your partner to listen and understand you better?
Perhaps you are uncertain if you want to stay in the relationship or perhaps you feel betrayed and can’t get past those feelings?
Or perhaps your relationship has already ended and your lost, confused and bereft?
These are just some of the many examples why individuals or couples decide to try Relationship Coaching.
Like any type of therapy there are key reasons why we seek help.
But Does It work?
I will be honest there are no guarantees with any type of therapy but there are good reasons to try and markers that will help determine if Coaching is going to be successful
So let’s take a look at the benefits of Relationship Coaching
Relationship Coaching can be for Individuals too
I work with both couples and individuals whether that is to address challenges in their relationship or because they want to understand more about themselves. Perhaps you find yourself attracted to the ‘wrong’ types of men or women or perhaps you can’t fully commit to a relationship. Maybe you want to work out if your relationship is over? Or do you want help to recover from a break up or divorce?. Whatever your dilemma giving yourself the opportunity to explore it and get some clarity can really help when planning your future.
Building Confidence.
Working on yourself can help build confidence and self-worth enabling you to put clearer boundaries in place. Poor boundaries can lead to resentment and unhappiness, being confident enough to express your needs can help facilitate a more equal balance within your relationships and conversely also when moving on after a relationship has finished. Being truly confident in who we are enables us to choose the right people to share our lives with and helps us avoid getting involved in toxic or destructive relationships.
Relationship Coaching is not just for romantic relationships
I can also work with you to resolve conflict or disharmony within other relationships too. Perhaps you are falling out with teenagers or other family members or perhaps you find your friends always seem to let you down. Looking objectively at these issues, evaluating and learning new ways to communicate and create clearer boundaries can go a long way to building more trusting and respectful relationships all round
Learn How To Dial Down That Emotional Roller Coaster
We all know that issues within relationships can create an array of unwanted emotions. Managing them can sometimes feel impossible. Coaching can teach you a host of tools and skills to manage these feelings, dial down the emotion and enable your mind to clear so important life choices can be made
It May Save You Money In The Long Run
Divorce is a costly affair, before you rush to your local lawyer stop and consider if you have done everything you can to save your marriage. Having an impartial, non-judgmental and empathic coach can go a long way to creating clarity as to how to move forward. However, if you have tried to work out your differences together, and are still considering separating and you feel your relationship is over, then coaching can also help you negotiate your separation amicably to avoid costly lawyer’s fees and reduce the impact on children and other family members.
We Can Become Blind To The Positives In Our Relationship
One of the most common drawbacks of not addressing or discussing issues in our relationships in a productive way is that these negative feelings tend to escalate to a stage where we can no longer see the positive parts of our partner. Working on your relationship can help you re-evaluate your relationship and see it through a fresh lens making considered choices rather than reacting and making poor decisions.
Manage The Interactions With Your Ex More Effectively
Talking to your ex can be difficult but negotiating, and planning childcare can be a minefield of worry when the split with your ex was less than amicable. Coaching can help you navigate these interactions enabling you to learn tools and skills to help manage your anxiety and offer support when you are at your most vulnerable
The Passive-aggressive Feelings Will Fade Away
When you work through historical (or recent) anger due to betrayal, disappointment or feeling let down, these emotions get an opportunity to get processed properly so that it no longer needs to seep out passive-aggressively. With it comes a new level of control where angry feelings can be expressed in a more direct and productive way where you feel heard and understood.
It Will Give You A Whole New Perspective On Other People Too
Another benefit of Relationship Coaching is that it not only helps you understand yourself and your immediate relationship better but it helps you understand other people. Taking the helicopter view of what is happening can reveal a whole different perspective on what is happening in our lives. When we hold negative thoughts inside without processing them, they become ingrained so that we see the world only from our own perspective – and we make lots of assumptions that may or may not be true of others. Without the clutter of our own (often mistaken) assumptions, it’s a lot easier to understand others’ intentions and motivations.
It Helps You Deal With Future Curve Balls In Your Relationships
Since big and small problems are going to come up from time to time, knowing how to deal with them in a healthy way is an essential skill. Conflict unfortunately is a part of everyday life so learning how to communicate effectively with your partner or your ex is an essential skill. Not only will you come to understand your different approaches to conflict but you will learn to be less defensive by understanding what your triggers are. Learning new ways to respond in a more proactive way along with learning how not to get swallowed up in emotion are some of the essential tools you will learn along the way
Talking About Things Gives Them Shape
Have you ever noticed how turning a problem around and around in your head often gets you precisely nowhere? Ruminating is a partner of Anxiety. Allowing these worries and thoughts to be expressed to a professional in a confidential and safe environment enables you to process the words. A new self-awareness develops enabling you to decide how to manage these feelings, take action and make changes to your relationships.
It’s An Opportunity To Re-evaluate
Time is a commodity that is in short supply for most of us, but giving yourself time to work out what you want moving forward is invaluable for your future happiness. Perhaps you are taking the first steps and moving in together and want to iron out any issues early on or maybe you have an established relationship but seem to have grown apart. Or perhaps you have just come out of a relationship and trying to come to turns with the break-up. Taking a step back and exploring what you need to be happy can be a life changing experience for many.
Coaching Helps You Build Resilience.
The process I work with also helps you to build resilience not only with the tools learnt but also by gaining a better understanding of yourself and how your thoughts can affect not only your mood but also your body and your general wellbeing
Physical Symptoms Can Improve Too
Most of us understand that psychological trauma can trigger debilitating physical symptoms but were you also aware that Stress, Depression and Anxiety can do the same? When people do not express feelings in their relationships but swallow them and keep them buried, our bodies then react showing physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, sleeping problems, and ulcers to name a few. Going for relationship coaching or counselling can help by bringing these issues safely into conscious awareness by exploring feelings and having open and honest dialogues confidentially with a non-judgmental and supportive professional
You Know You’re Not Alone
Seeing a Relationship Coach can be a huge relief in itself as you know you’re taking action against what is bothering you. It can be comforting just knowing that you have a built-in support structure that you can go to once a week.
Changes Can Be Permanent
One of the most amazing things about therapy and coaching is that it can bring about change at the level of the brain. We think of medication as changing the depressed brain but there’s very compelling evidence that Therapeutic Coaching does the same. With practiced repetition over time ingrained negative behaviors that are destructive to your relationships can be changed to more positive ones therefore reducing anxiety.
You Won’t Have To Self-medicate Anymore
Self-medicating to ‘deal’ with worries and psychological stuff is incredibly common. This could take the form of alcohol, drugs, sex or even shopping to distract. But this doesn’t do anything to address what’s going on – it just masks it. It also creates an addictive cycle, which may exacerbate the real problem. Getting to the root of your issues in therapy can, with time, help ease the need to self-medicate. When you’re no longer living with the negative things in your past, the need to avoid them – and yourself – could disappear.
Therapy Effects Last Long After Our Sessions Have Finished
A huge benefit of Relationship Coaching is that its effects are long-lasting. This is because you’re not only working through the distress within your existing or past relationship but your also learning new tools and resources that can positively impact all your relationships in the future
It Enables You To Teach The Next Generation A Better Way
Another positive element about being open and talking is that if you have children it helps you teach them a better way. For those who grew up in households where feelings weren’t talked about, decades later we’re still dealing with the fallout. Parents can help their children learn a vocabulary of feelings and ways to communicate effectively by modeling it themselves. This gives children the sense that it is not only okay but healthy to express themselves and that it is important to express anger or hurt when they feel they’ve been unfairly treated but in a constructive way. The alternative is to repress the feeling, feel resentful, perhaps act out one’s anger in defiant behavior. The time to start talking about feelings is as early as possible.
Markers To Successful Relationship Coaching
- Have a clear goal in mind
- Choose a qualified, registered and insured coach who you feel comfortable with
- Commit completely to the process
- Be honest about your experience as you view it
- Be willing to compromise and change if necessary
Thank you for taking the time to read this ‘Blog’, I hope you have found this resource guide useful?
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